What Do You Miss?

I miss spending time face to face with girlfriends.

I miss the meditative, calming aspects of prayer and Biblical study and the mercy, kindness and hopeful parts of myself that don’t get called to the surface naturally very often but did via my faith. I miss the kinder, more compassionate, less angry me that I was when I was centered in religious faith. I know I can be that person again but my entire life I did it one way and now I’m not sure where to find the inspiration.

I miss exploring the outdoors for hours – climbing trees and logs and hills

I miss my old fashion sense. I used to be cute and funky and a little hip and preppy and sporty and country. I mixed it all up.

I miss going to concerts, big and small.

I miss my family (the ones I grew up with, not the family I made – I see their lovely faces daily).

I miss the way you feel making out with someone before you’ve had sex. Remember the anticipation, the danger?

I miss dancing every day for hours, because I had to and because I wanted to. I miss leaps and turns and choreography. I miss my old body. I miss the way you walk around all day feeling normal and it’s not until you get to practice and begin stretching, that you notice how tight you’ve been since practice the day before. I miss the floppy, warm feeling your muscles have after stretching and before dancing. I miss knowing a dance so well that your body just takes over and you enjoy it and you PERFORM.

I miss swimming all summer. I miss swimming, period.

I miss my certainty.

I miss the pages-long emails my best friend and I used to send each other. About faith and marriage and parenting and family and old friends and funny things and childbirth and everything we ever thought to think about. I miss my best friend.

I miss when reading an email meant I’d get the work done that day. I miss not having anxiety over my inbox – personal and professional.