Friday afternoon after lunch I came back to my desk and emails
containing condolences and asking if I’d heard the news that Adam Yauch, MCA
from Beastie Boys, had died. The emails were from people who know that I’m a
Beasties fan.
****
I was eight or nine years old when I first heard the
Beasties. I lived in Wichita, Kansas and I was playing at my friend Livie’s
house. We listened to her License to Ill tape and jumped and danced around
her living room. Apparently it made an impression:
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| Check out item #4 - from 1987 |
In the summer after 8th grade, my friend
Bonnie showed me her new CD called Check Your Head with three skater-looking
dudes on the front. Beastie Boys? Oh hell
yes, let me listen to this! Raised by my parents on classic rock, oldies
and r&b, I had now expanded my musical tastes to include hip hop (“rap”
back then) and “alternative” music (remember when alternative was really
alternative?). CYH blew my mind: it mixed different music styles, it was more
mature than License to Ill but not so mature that my almost-in-high-school self
couldn’t relate to the lyrics/attitude. It set the standard for “cool”.
I eventually picked up Paul’s Boutique. I liked it, but
it didn’t knock me out the way it did for so many. *gasp* I know, I know. What kind of Beasties fan am I? When I
listened to it, it felt like they were regressing (though I might not have been
able to articulate that back then). The album was all samples, no instruments,
ridiculous topics. They were still kind of caricatures. But (and this is a big
but) (shut up) – the exploration was exhilerating. If I’d gotten to know Paul’s
Boutique before Check Your Head I’m sure it would have rocked my world, too.
By 1994, I had a number of friends who were also Beasties
fans. I’m sure we all dutifully ran out to buy Ill Communication as soon as it
was released. Check Your Head and Ill Communication became, for me, my life
soundtrack. Sure, there was other music. There was lots of other music. No
matter what other music there was, though, there was always Beastie Boys.
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| Me on the right at pom camp - "Beastie" |
The Beasties were so cool. They were style and attitude
trend-setters. The obsession my generation has with pop culture and snark was
encouraged and often informed by Beastie music and interviews, yet they weren’t
concerned with being cool. Which is, of course, part of why they were cool.
I remember hearing “I’m shopping at Sears, ‘cause I don’t
buy at the Gap” for the first time and thinking, Crap. I love the Gap. Should I stop shopping there? I then thought,
Isn’t the point to not try to be like
everyone else, but to follow your own instinct? If I stop shopping somewhere
just because a Beastie told me to, isn’t that the opposite of what they’re are
all about? The opposite of what makes them so great? Though I didn't stop shopping at the Gap, I did start thinking about my impact as a consumer. I've never forgotten that lesson.
Beastie Boys impacted me musically, culturally. I’m young
enough that hip hop was already mainstream when I began listening to the
Beasties, so they didn’t open that door for me. They did, however, teach me to
seek out the history of the hip hop I was listening to, and to search for music
that wasn’t on the radio. They name-dropped so many people! I loved spending
time scouring magazines, books and liner notes, trying to figure out who they
were talking about. Oh yeah, I was a liner notes nerd (still am, though I
rarely buy real CDs anymore). I loved noticing a connection between a producer
on one musician’s album, and a songwriter on another, that sort of thing. When
I’d come across the name of someone that had an obscure mention in a Beasties
song – in a magazine, newspaper, book, etc. - I got such a thrill. I also loved
knowing about something and hearing it mentioned, like when
Ad-Rock says, “I’m not James at Fifteen or Chachi in Charge” in Hey Ladies. I
watched those shows! I knew who they were talking about!
Throughout my high school and college years, I remained
close with overlapping groups of people who were major Beasties fans. We played
their music constantly, discussed lyrics, went to concerts, explored the music
of other artists that the Beasties introduced us to. Being a Beasties fan was a
part of our identity. Not our whole identity, but a part of it.
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| My dorm room door on my birthday, 1997 |
Hello Nasty came out just a few months before I began
dating my husband, got pregnant and left college. After that major transition
in my life, I was “on hold” with music (and, well, everything that didn’t
involve surviving young parenthood & marriage). I didn’t have the money to
buy music or go to concerts and I didn’t hang out with my friends that much any
more – I was a mom and wife, they were still partying college kids. I listened
to Hello Nasty a lot but not the way I did with Check Your Head and Ill
Communication – and from that point on, I didn’t immerse myself in their later
albums. I purchased them, gave them a couple listens, but only pulled them out
occasionally (though I still listened to CYH & IC often). I felt guilty
about this, as though I was a bad fan for not devouring and loving everything
they did. It took me a while to get beyond that and realize that no one ever
asked me to be a “superfan” – the Beasties certainly never did – and again, the
perspectives they shared reminded me that life must be balanced. I watched them
evolve, should I not also be allowed to evolve?
I’m nostalgic about those years. My memories include
driving around with Ebony, looking for our friends (this was the day of the
pager, y’all, and we didn’t have one) and freaking out when the song switches
up in the middle of “Do It” . . . Andy letting me climb up onto his shoulders
at the Beasties/Tribe concert so I could see better – then he threw his hat
onstage and one of them put his hat on for a minute before tossing it back . .
. being given a onesie w/”Beastie Baby” embroidered on it when I was pregnant
with our first child . . . driving 3 hours by myself to and from my first
Beasties concert, alone because my friends couldn’t go at the last minute,
sneaking into the expensive floor seats . . . hours upon hours upon hours of
listening to their music – alone and with friends, usually at Elanor’s house .
. . Dev asking Peter and I who was the bigger Beasties fan, and Peter said I
was – and then I said I may have liked them longer, but he was the one who had
all the concert bootlegs . . . debating with Joel, Drew, Josh, Mike and Matt
about our favorite Beasties albums . . . performing a variety of Beasties songs
in lip-syncs with Katherine and Carla . . . getting mad at some kid because he
would not stop saying that Mike D’s brother is Dustin Diamond (Screech from
Saved By The Bell) . . . Lisa suggesting that we change one of our pom routine
songs to Brass Monkey, and it being a big hit . . .
I’d forgotten how much being a Beasties fan was a part of
my identity back then until I went to my 10-year high school reunion. Person
after person referred to my love for the Beasties. I was floored – I knew how
special they were to me but I didn’t realize everyone else did (and crap, I
hope I wasn’t obnoxious about it!).
I don’t know if I would be a hugely different person if
there had never been any Beastie Boys. I do know that I felt as if I knew them,
as if we could be friends. I felt as if they were cool and dorky and funny and
smart and silly and serious, like me. Like my friends. It is impossible for me
to remember those formative years in my life without also remembering the
Beasties.
So now – Adam Yauch is gone. It hurts. It hurts because
he was so young. It hurts because he had a family – extended and immediate. A
wife has lost her mate and a daughter has lost her father. It hurts because he was an advocate for Tibet and who is doing that now? It hurts because the
friendship and connection between the Beasties was so obvious and fascinating,
and lasted for so long. It hurts to think of how hard it must be for all the
people who knew him the ways fans never could. And yes – as a fan, it hurts. It
hurts because I’m far away from the friends who also loved the Beasties. It
hurts because I won’t ever get to see them together again. You know, they were
getting older, who knows how many more albums or tours they would have given
us? Possibly not many, or any. Maybe they were done. As a fan, I’m so, so
thankful for all the memories and all the music, and I believe it will sustain
me for the rest of my life. But I wanted more. I did. And it’s not gonna
happen.
Since Friday, I’ve already dug back into To the 5
Boroughs and Hot Sauce Committee Pt. 2 – and I’m listening with fresh ears. I’m
hearing stuff I really like – how did I miss it before? Why did it take a loss
like this for me to appreciate it? Why don’t I have The Mix-Up?
Thank you Adam, Adam and Mike, for creating the
soundtrack to my formative years. I almost feel silly for saying that, but I
think you will understand.
****
Side note, wasn’t sure where to fit it in the above:
Everyone talks about MCA’s verse in Sure Shot that
mentions the Beasties’ change in attitude toward their lyrics about women, and
women in general, I suppose. That’s great, no doubt! However, what I love about
Sure Shot is that it’s funky. I mean, really. The entire song is just
perfection. I think this word is overused, but it has swagger, you know? Ridiculous production and each Beastie shines on
their verses. This song is sexy. All of these attributes are present in Ad-Rock
which is a huge reason he’s my favorite.
Yes, I said I had a favorite. Look, y’all, this is what
happened. I was at a high school church youth group retreat and there was going
to be a talent show. My friends Katherine and Carla loved Beasties too, so we
decided to do a lip-sync to So Whatcha Want. When we were deciding which verses
we wanted, Carla said she wanted Ad-Rock before I said it, so she got him. And
I was salty. Secretly, though.
Katherine was an MCA fan so she was all good. I can’t remember if this was our
first, or second, but we went on to do a handful of lip-syncs together: Hey
Ladies, Sabotage, It Takes Two (Rob Base). For Sabatoge we wore suits, fake moustaches, sunglasses,
carried paintball guns, ran through the audience, rolled around on the floor,
jumped through doorways, busted in on a card game in the corner. So much fun.
Katherine is in Japan about to give birth. Maybe this is
reaching, but it just seems kind of special that she really appreciated MCA,
Beasties & Japan were tight, he died and she’s giving birth.
Anyway! In addition to what I’ve already said about
Ad-Rock, I think he has a great sense of humor, and I think the way he talks,
has conversations, is fascinating. I saw an interview of him on YouTube a while back where he’s talking about the tools he uses to write & record
music. He’d create some sounds, and sit there, geeking out, chair dancing. I
love that. That is me, that is my
friends.
