Independence from America

it's the little things that are said that make me not want to talk about money.

people will be talking about doing their nursery really cute, because "a baby HAS to have a nursery" or upgrading to a new house so that each of their kids can have their own room, because "kids NEED their own space."

or someone will be talking about their maternity leave and saying "why would anyone EVER go back to work before 3 months?"

it's all these "have to/never/must" terms that TEACH ME that my lifestyle is seen as unacceptable - at least by my peers.

i could go on & on with the examples, but i hear it all day long. my whole life i have tended to be a lower-middle-class kid who was surrounded by middle & upper-middle class (some downright wealthy) peers, i have ALWAYS felt the scrutiny and confusion others have towards the way i live.

"why don't you just . . . ?" as if "just" doing something is so simple. "just put it on your credit card." "just get a loan." "just dip into your savings."

at some point, though, i had to realllllly examine what was most important to me, and whether or not i felt like american standards of lifestyle held water. there are many people who would look at my family & consider us poor, from our lack of certain resources to where we live to the condition of our car to countless other things. but i have come to the belief that these trappings do not hold some magic happy ending or satisfaction. i enjoy my life. even as "poor" as i am, i live a luxurious lifestyle compared to most in the world. i have access to LOTS of resources. i have an able body & mind. i have good health coverage. i have a job. i have a roof over my head that has working heat & cool air. good plumbing. a washer & dryer that takes quarters but is right outside my backdoor. my car isn't pretty but it runs. i have money for the gas in it. i even (finally) have money to insure it. i have enough money to feed my family and enough to splurge every once in a while on eating out, treats, inexpensive trips to see family, a few birthday & christmas presents and hobbies.

i make use of the free resources around me like the zoo and the library and the forest preserve and the lake and if someone wants to look down on me because i plan my visits to museums on free days, or can't go because i don't have the gas to get into the city & don't have enough for the bus, then so be it.

i live a full life and i am working hard to come to terms with the fact that it isn't the american dream. i am working to examine the american dream and its FALSE promises of happiness and satisfaction.

/rant. :)

Books for kids

I was just talking to Jenn about this . . .





Remember in school when the teacher would pass out the book order sheets, that listed all kinds of books and activities/materials, at discounted prices? We'd take the sheets home, mark them up with Xs or circles (like above) and hopefully our parent would send a check with us to school so we could order books.

The day the book orders were delivered to the classroom was always great. It would be weeks after the orders had been placed, and I don't know about anyone else, but I'd always forgotten about the orders. Our teacher usually announced that the books had arrived near the end of the day, because no one could concentrate on class after that. It was like Christmas or a birthday when the book orders arrived - maybe even better because it's such a surprise. I would always have finished at least one of my books the first evening before bedtime.

Those book orders are a really special memory of mine.


But what about the kids whose parents could or didn't ever order books for their kids? How did they feel when the book orders arrived, the class went crazy, and they sat there knowing they woudln't have any books passed to them? I know we don't order books for our kids every time they bring home an order form, but we do at least half of the time. Most of the decision for us has to do with whether or not they're doing a good job taking care of their things at the time. If they're being responsible, I'll get them books. If not, I tell them they're going to have to wait until next time, and show me in the meantime that they're going to do a better job of taking care of their things.

It's these seemingly little things that can really make an impact on a kid for the good or the bad. I know as an adult, I cringe when my more well-off peers and co-workers ask why we only drive one car, or why we haven't bought a house yet. There are a lot of "why don't you just dip into your savings?" and "why don't you just use your credit card?" sort of questions thrown around - and I'm sure these people mean no harm, but still it puts me in an awkward position - do I explain our financial situation? Do I need to - is it any of their business? What if our decisions aren't based on lack of money but a concious decision to live a more simple lifestyle? Do I have to explain that?

So back to the kid - how does the kid in class feel when his/her classmates say, "where are your books?" and "why didn't your parents order any for you?"

I wonder how many teachers have bought books for kids whose parents couldn't or didn't?

I think the next time we order books this way, I'm going to send along a little extra money and ask the teacher to get a book for a couple kids whose parents didn't order them anything. I guess some parents might balk at this (pride) but maybe the teacher could just tell the kid that the book company accidentally sent some extras.