Saturday, July 10, 2010

you should see inside my mind right now.
on the outside i am an american, middle class, working, married, mother of 3, enjoying cute shoes and coca cola and netflix . . . . . . but on the inside i am nationless and my only responsibility is to feeding the poor and healing the sick and sharing the good news of christ and forcing people (including myself) to look at how their selfishness and self-indulgence is experienced at the same time that so many are literally dying because they can't even get rice or beans to put in their stomachs, can't get a $5 shot for malaria or tuberculosis. a $5 shot i could pay for if my outside self didn't buy that mocha frappucino. a $5 shot my outside self doesn't think is my reponsibility to provide because the person who needs it wasn't born in the same country as me, isn't the same religion as me, has darker skin than me.
will these 2 selves ever be able to co-exist peacefully?
remember at the end of schindler's list when the jews he is able to "buy" from the concentration camp present him with the gold ring as a token of their appreciation for what he did for them? and he breaks down, realizing that he could have sold his car and "bought out" more from the concentration camp so they wouldn't have had to die. i imagine that he looks back over the years that he made so much money, all the fine-dining, all the tailored suits, the cars, the mansions. and he realizes that at the end of the day, those things are gone, they mean nothing, but there are people who could have been saved with the money he spent on those things . . . and he didn't save them. as much good as he did by helping the people he DID help -- he could have done more.
it is very easy for us to make excuses and say, "think about the good things we have done" so that we can go to bed at night. we say, "it will never change, there will always be the poor, you can't save the entire world yourself."
how can we justify living the lifestyles that we do when there are humans on this planet who are dying like this?


Caro said...

I think you're a beautiful person just for thinking about these things. How many go through life not giving their neighbor ever a second thought?
Sometimes it can be hard to figure out a balance, and I hope you find yours soon. xxoo

Anonymous said...

Get thee lost in the Scripture - and I don't mean that as a preachy cop out, only blessed assurance. It's good for the angst and for getting the picture to come clear. I'm taking my own good advice this weekend, for many of the same reasons you mention.

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